Happy 33rd Birthday

Today you would have turned 33. To celebrate we went to brunch in Roseville with our family. You were on all our minds, even your little nephews. Baby Kory Ray is learning about you and is fascinated by your art work. The babies are one of the things about life that breaks my heart the most--you never had any. Chai doesn't count! You were a good father to your dog Chai and you would have been a terrific father to children.

Sept. 13, 3011, Maddie found a poem in one of your art books that I posted on this site. I didn't know where it came from, but snooping on your sister's Facebook page just now I see that it is a Jack London poem, "I would rather be ashes than dust!." He was a great writer as you were an artist.

Thirty-three years ago I looked into your beautiful, angelic face and saw such promise and potential. You lived 25 and 1/2 years and was just hitting your stride; giving the world a taste of "The Ray," before you were gone in the blink of an eye. It still seems so surreal. And it still sucks.

Happy 33rd Birthday my beautiful and handsome son.

6 years

It's been six years today since we lost you and the world became a little less bright, but your memory still shines as beautiful as your smile.

This was posted on Jennie's Facebook page about you and I stole it to show what a kind hearted and amazing person you were.

"I was remembering how he was always so sweet with me. He would let me dress up in my victorian dress, and rehearse lines from Titanic with me. He NEVER made fun of me, or made me feel stupid. AND he was SO popular and gorgeous. He didn't have to hang out with me. There were a million other girls waiting for his call. He was so amazing. I miss him terribly. You are so lucky to be called "Ray's sister."

It cracks me up that she told Jennie she was so lucky to be your sister, as if you weren't lucky to be Jennie's brother. You were one of five amazing children, but you did seem to take on the role abdicated by your biological donor; and your siblings all have stories to share of your big brotherness.

I miss you as much now as I did six years ago and it still sucks that you're gone. At least art lives on a little more with your scholarships. They are given in the spirit in which you led your life and the promise the recipients hold in their future.

A thank you note from last year's Enterprise High School recipient. It is that time of year again when school comes to a close for the summer. We are in the selection process for this year's high school and San Jose State recipients. It's always rewarding to help out even if it's just a little bit. Thank you to all those who have helped to make this possible.

हैप्पी बर्थडे, माय सों.

Today you would have been 32 years old. It's hard to believe so much time has passed since you were born. Your memories are vivid to me despite the fact that you are gone; and so long as I have your memories you will always be with me. I heard from several of your friends today and all of your siblings, which was wonderful, and reinforces just how wonderful you were and how your memory lingers. I can still see the round like Buddah baby you were. It always amazed me your little legs could carry you around! When one is determined, as you always were, it was no wonder that you could walk but also carry a kitten by the neck. I recently told someone that we never get over the loss, we merely adjust to the absence of our loved one. It has been six and one half years since you left us and I'm still adjusting, but the l;ocve that I feel and felt will never fade. Happy Birthday, to my beautiful son.

A video by his college brothers

I know it's been a while since this was created, but it's always been hard to watch all the way through without the screen blurring. Love you guys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_lN2Ag9Pc4

Scholarship winners of 2010

Once again scholarships honoring art students will be awarded this week, May 27th, which just happens to be my late mother's birthday. I am not a public speaker and had pawned off the task the last four years on the schools art teachers. I have been asked quite a lot recently what the tattoos mean on my wrists and when I explain the meaning of the Hebrew words, it became increasingly hard to ignore the "fear less" tattoo! This year, the fifth anniversary of Enterprise High School's scholarship and I have chosen to present it this year.

Passion will be the focus of my presentation and I will once again use the photo of Raymond on Yosemite. As those who knew Ray know he was a very passionate person, whether it was about art, nature, people, food or his family, he was very passionate. This year, EHS's recipient is Audrey Kramm, a young woman who has shown a lot of passion in her short life and a willingness to share her talent and time with others.

San Jose State's recipient is Onna Hui. She is described by one of her artr instructors as "a very heart-felt, hard working young woman. Her Paintings and drawings are subtle and beautiful."

Gale Antokal, art instructor, related a very touching story. I will quote her verbatim: "A lovely thing happened yesterday. I have an older woman student who is finishing her BFA degree in a year. She handed me an envelope with $200 in cash and wanted me to give it to a deserving student of my choosing as scholarship. Thinking fast (!) I suggested that she write a check instead, send it toSandra Campos in the Arts office, and earmark it for Ray's scholarship fund. She was very happy about that solution."

My heart has been touched deeply by this gesture, and I can't thank you both enough.

The scholarships are in Ray's memory and his love for art, they are not for his family or their praise, but to help make life a little easier for those students working toward their education.

Thank you all,

Loretta

Ray last wrote:

"I would rather be ashes than dust!

I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dryout.

I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, then a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I shall use my time."

Yesterday my 2-year-old granddaughter Maddie found an old book, Key to Yourself with this in it:

Salutation to the Dawn

"Look to this day, for it is Life,

The very Life of Life.

Within its brief span, lies all the Verities,

And realities of your existence.

The Bliss of Growth.

The Glory of Action.

The Splendor of Beauty.

For yesterday is but a Dream

And tomorrow is but a Vision

But today well lived makes every

Yesterday a dream of happiness

And every tomorrow a vision of Hope.

Look well therefore to this day.

-The Sanskrit